so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
