Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
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