my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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