what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
