Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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