Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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