And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
