TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
