The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
