I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
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