if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
