I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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