I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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