you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
