no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
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Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
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Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Terrible idea I love it
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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