I want to walk on stilts...naked
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
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