My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
