Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
