The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
