The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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