But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
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don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
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How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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