it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
