Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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