if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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