therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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