Someone shit on the floor
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
