He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Randomize
