Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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