Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Randomize
