I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
The struggles of a small town man whore
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
