come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Randomize
