your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I forget how to act sober
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
