I got chris browned last night
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
