Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
