You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC