Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
