Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
