I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
