is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
