Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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