I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
