are you still at the devil's house?
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
