You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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