You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
