Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
