so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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