He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
