Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
