i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
