I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
