if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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