So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
