didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Who wears a wallet chain?!
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
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dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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