hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
