I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
