Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(323): View more from California

At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.

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(580): View more from Oklahoma

I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.

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(864): View more from South Carolina

We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".

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(484): View more from Pennsylvania

we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.

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(910): View more from North Carolina

he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it

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(563): View more from Iowa

Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties

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(651): View more from Minnesota

Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals

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(208): View more from Idaho

As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.

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(205): View more from Alabama

So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.

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