So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
