even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Randomize
