i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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