I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
