i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
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