ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
