she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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