Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
