His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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