Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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