Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Randomize
