someone owes me an orgasm
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
