fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
